That old feeling...

Here we are in February already. Workers are back at work, students are back at school, we all fall back into our daily routines. Boring, right? "Yes, yes!", I can almost hear you all saying. I know we have to put up with the grind of work, pay bills, repeat. But I'm getting that I-can't-be-here-any-longer-in-this-spot-or-I-will-commit-atrocities kinda feeling again.
Even though I feel I've come a long way with my anxiety, partly due to the little travels in my past, I've been unable to take my anxiety medications for roughly 4 months now and it's starting to show. Medications mask a lot of the subtle signs of anxiety and in my case, doubled with the diagnosis of PDD-NOS, the lack of these medications causes some symptoms to be amplified, probably due to the interruption of the triggering of re-manufacture of GABA in the brain, making all those lovely and necessary hormones.
The well-known 'fight or flight' response is one, more and more noticing of late the inability to sit still for very long. In a physical sense, it's exhausting, almost like waiting for that toddler to FINALLY go for a nap, except that toddler is me! In a personal sense, the only way I can describe it it as an adult wanting to run away from home. It's not my family, pets or the home itself driving me to want to run, I know it's not these things, but am at a loss to explain WHY I feel this way.
I do recognise I have this undying urge to want to know and understand myself better, I want to see myself the way others see me, I want to know where I came from, I need to understand the differences between other families and my own. Why aren't I as good a Mum as that other woman is? Do my kids know I love them even if I cant express it?
I feel like I need to get away again.
Alone.
What I really need is for this blog to get out there, maybe some well-meaning Psych student or a media-hungry travel company will find a way to utilise me, there IS much to learn about yourself, others and the world around us in general when you travel/explore alone, it's not a scary as it needs to be, Ive had experience in solo travel, sure, only Australia, but there's a lot more ground for me to cover, cities I have never visited, I'm up for more!